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Me against Myself

Wish you were here!

Sherlock :)
Tinted
[info]ebony_nivory
Oh thank goodness that  Steven Moffat and Mark Gattis made this version of Sherlock. The very few good things in the current moment!

Sherlock: "Just tell me what happened from the beginning."
Barry: "We've been to a bar, a nice place, and I was chattin' with one of the waitresses and Karen weren't happy with that, so we got back to the hotel and ended up having a bit of a ding dong, didn't we? She was gettin' at me, saying I weren’t a real man-- "
Sherlock: "Wasn’t."
Barry: "What?"
Sherlock: "It’s not weren’t, it’s wasn’t."
Barry: "Oh..."
Sherlock: "Go on."
Barry: "Well, then I don’t know how it happened but suddenly there's a knife in my hands. And you know, my old man was a butcher so I know how to handle knives. He learned us how to cut up a piece-- "
Sherlock: "Taught."
Barry: "What?"
Sherlock: "Taught you how to cut up a piece."
Barry: "Yeah, well, then I done it."
Sherlock: "Did it."
Barry: "I stabbed her over and over and over and I looked at her and she weren’t-- ... wasn't movin' no more. Any more."

Barry: "Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I'll get hung for this."
Sherlock: "No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all......  Hanged, yes."


If I could, I would keep a copy of the whole script!
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Roll over
Ponder
[info]ebony_nivory

A year comes and a year goes by. Much like a day rolls by. Does it excite me like a crazy optimist or scare me like a floydian, I couldn't say as I slowly become inert to these changes as I release what is 'now' is what truely 'is'. What 'was' is gone and what will be doesn't bother me.

Devoid of all the trauma it has caused, What has happened has only made me strong and wiser to live only in the moment. A lesson that sounds easy to understand but hard to exercise.
I write this more as a log to myself, a marker to realise all the moments that I came face to face with and got through. Each one of them adds another bit to the jigsaw puzzle called 'I'.
Guess it sounds too monumental, no I didn't move earths, ride the skies, I got through my hurdles and in my small universe, its my own way of riding the skies and moving earths :).

Have you ever come across a situation where you had dreamt of it before and woke up from it thinking what a bad dream that was and assuring yourself, atleast you won't have to face it maybe for a long time to come by which time you would have made your point to yourself and your life?
But then in a jiffy, the very next moment you are already facing the situation, that bad dream is right in front of you. You are not prepared and almost stripped down to the bare minimum in your mind's defenses for that instant. My reaction to it was to brace myself with the reality. Accept it. Raise the defense to never let something hurt you so much. Open my eyes and understand the double standards of people and how much of a low life they can be. Accept it. Use that energy and that anger to help build the wards for myself to make me stronger, safer.
In this way my year has been very eventful. My dreams have come true. All the nightmares I mean. And all I could do was to say 'Thank you'... errr for all the fish?

All the strength and energy that I had gathered through the year came to much use when my family had to brace itself with the news of my mothers illness. Though I am breathless at the end of most days, I sometimes amaze myself that I have been presented with a situation as such and I am actually somehow making through it. Something I couldn't have imagined even in a hypothetical situation. There is much further to go and more evil to beat. This year has added ten years to me. If that makes any sense!

All the hatred and horrid things and ill luck to all the people who caused me pain! Hope you rot in hell! Much bad wishes to all those who didn't stand by my side. Booo to all those crazy situations that piled one upon the other without even giving me a breather! But above all just wanted to tell 2011... "In your face..."

But I do remember my angels. Those precious few who were by my side like a rock. Who added to my strength and energy. Who help me be me.
I am sure next year is going to pose much more challenges and I am already ready for them. I am going to face it head on. That day will come some year when I will look back at the year and say... well there was a year where i didn't have to get into the boxing ring with!

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The silence of Lake Gurudongmar
Ponder
[info]ebony_nivory
Wrote something for a small newsletter at work about my journey to Lake Gurudongmar in North Sikkim. So thought it had to also go in my journal...

"Among the Himalayas". I had always tried to imagine how I would feel among the Himalayas. But how it feels when you are actually there falls short of all the imagination. It is a pure, pristine and un-perturbed experience. The part of Himalayas I visited was the green ranges that fell under Sikkim. Just the mention of that state brings a smile to my face after. With the recent earthquake, it is quite sad to realise the only road that leads to the most beautiful North Sikkim was badly damaged. But with many army posts up in north Sikkim, we can be sure that BRO (Border Road Organisation) will do its best to mend these roads quickly.So let me write this entry about the visit to Lake Gurudongmar as a tribute. For North Sikkim.

Most places in Sikkim is within 150 Kms radius, but its all hills and no valleys almost literally. Its like how when we were kids, we painted mountains that are V shaped with the sunset between them, they are at a high inclination. Its only lush green himalanyan ranges with no railway tracks and no flat lands for airstrips. Sikkim is divided into 4 districts, North, South, East and West. To travel to North Sikkim, we need to get a permit done, (yes, even if you are an Indian) as this area leads to regions that are shared with the china border and are heavily patrolled.

 

After getting our permits in Gangtok we headed off on our day's journey towards North Sikkim. Our route was Gangtok -> Mangan -> Chungthang. From Chungtang we could either branch to Lachen or Lachung. Believe me when I say I had no idea what was in store, it was like a surprise from nature. All through our drive River Teesta was by our side down below in the narrow valley. Water from everywhere up in the hills would flow down in numerous waterfalls to join Teesta, lined with tall trees and wild orchids hanging from them, we reached Chungthang by evening in an amazing SUV drive. Chungthang is a pitstop which is a confluence of 2 rivers Lachen chu and Lachung chu (chu- river). They join to flow to-gether as Teesta. That day we would head to Lachen following Lachen chu and retire in Lachen. The plan next day was to leave early (really early at 4 am) to Lake Gurudongmar, which was 4 hour drive from (and I would say above) Lachen. Lachen is around 2600m.

So when I woke up at 3am in the morning to get ready to leave for Lake Gurudongmar which is at 5100m (17,100 ft) there was talk from everyone about how AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness) might hit making people not even strong enough to get out of the transport to get to the lake, we were a little apprehensive. But that didn't last long, as soon as we came out of our rooms all ready to leave, we saw the first glimpse of a snow capped mountain looming above the huge green hill that Lachen perched on.
First glimpse of snow capped giant

It was like a white and gray giant much bigger than the green giant. That sight was magnificent. After half an hour into the climb in our SUV, the snow capped mountains started surfacing like they were coming out of hiding. The golden sunrise hitting the peaks with picturesque frames that teesta was creating with the mountains and valleys all along the climb only made me just keep the camera down and absorb in as much as I could.

After 3 hours we reached the last civilian settle-ment at Thanggu at 14,000 ft. A was a small village of a 100 people or less made up of civilians and soldiers. A nice lady served us hot soupy maggie with tea for breakfast in her kitchen at 7 am. It gave us the warmth that we were yearning for. After breakfast as we climbed up the vegetation on the hills changed to very short shrubs and hills covered with colourful flowers. Our next stop was the millary cafe called Cafe fifteen thousand. The name says it all, a cafe at 15,000 ft above sea level. After a few minutes break there we set off on last leg of climb to the plateau at 17,000 ft, After a long open drive through the plateau, we reached Lake Gurudongmar.

 Runway to Himalayas

The Lake was almost like magic. Suddenly we were standing in front this huge Turquoise lake surrounded by snow capped mountain, the mountains that were not visible from the drive on the plateau were suddenly seen from the lake. The very few other SUVs that followed us, stopped at the view point of the lake, tourists took some pictures enjoyed the view and were on the way back in few minutes. Not many were ready to get down the 50 odd steps to reach the lake below with the fear of AMS as the thin air with lesser oxygen and the high winds that was slowly picking up could be felt. But none of that mattered at that moment. We had to get down to the lake and touch it. I remember asking my friend if we were really there. The landscape I was standing in seemed sureal. The sound of silence and the sound of wind was alternating with such a peaceful rhythm. This seemed to be the Music of the Himalayas. I was standing there feeling the stillness of the lake, seeing the turquoise lake slowly change colour to sea green with the morning sun turning into afternoon. By 10 AM we had to head back as the winds were picking up fast. That would only make our stay there hard, physically. We left from there with a humble salute to the military settlement at 15,000ft stationed there as the china border was very close to the lake. But the experience of standing there in front of this amazing natural wonder will stay with me forever. I will always remember the pure nascent colour and stillness of Lake Gurudongmar.

Gurudongmar Lake






 


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Sounds of Sikkim
music
[info]ebony_nivory
- Waking up to the resounding bell of the monastery and prayer of young monks.

- Sound of the flute, very soothing and very Tibetan in the corridors of Ranka Monastery when a monk was practicing.

-The Language and accent of North Sikkim, not a word to understand but the tongue was interesting to hear. A few syllables and the message conveyed.

- Nepali songs. All of them seem like happy songs and simple tunes.

- Chirping bird sounds even in the city.

- The hum of the waterfalls every few kilometers.

- The rattle of the wooden plank bridge against the gush of the waterfalls.

- Sound of river Teesta.

-The eclectic collection of Hindi/English/Nepali songs in all the taxis, all the time.

- The slight rattle and squeak of the prayer wheels turning around the monasteries.

- The flutter of the prayer flags.

- The stillness of Lake Gurudongmar.


Sounds of Sikkim

The Unfair Balance
Ponder
[info]ebony_nivory
Among so many things that I wonder and ponder about, one thing that always keeps coming back to my mind, is the rhythm (for the right brained) or algorithm (for the left brained) on which this world/everything works.
Mostly because of the way we expect certain things to happen, hope for something, wish for some and curse at some though we have no hand in any of those things ever happening.

Which leaves me to a question, so what do we have control upon? Nothing?

But much before that, What do we think everything works as:
Random Chaos or an Orderly Balance.

Under random chaos you have no order to anything. Things just happen as and when they please. Spikes here and there. One event occurring has no relation or cause to any other event that has or will occur. Nothing has a reason or a consequence. Human mind tries to develop patterns around these things to keep itself sane. Do you think this is how everything ticks?

Or do you think everything has an orderly balance?
This in my view has two methods to occur.

Orderly 'just' Balance - This is a world where in any emotional energy triggered by a certain event has the similar surge in the opposite place to balance is out. As in, if one is feeling sadness emiting out of them due to a certain happening, the entity responsible for that event also at some point in time emits similar sad energy and we have balanced out to zero. Same hold true for happiness, wrath, strength and everything else. Like everything comes a full circle.

The other one is... lets call it,
Orderly 'even' Balance - This is a world where in any emotional energy triggered by an event is nullified by an emotional energy consired opposite to it. Like when you are feeling a surge of sadness consequent to an event and the entity that triggered it is unaware or aware of your energy but is actually feeling the same amount of opposite energy, like happiness and this balances out the equation. something like positive and negative charges nullifying each other to keep the sanity of a chemical equation.

Somehow I have come to believe its Orderly 'even' balance is at work atleast around me. The patterns that i observe usually point to it.There is nothing fair in this rhythm of things, no justice just blatant balancing out to a zero.  It is a depressing thought. What goes around comes around has no meaning here. But then thats just my pattern. What do you think is actually happening?

Forgotten
half
[info]ebony_nivory
I have forgotten how they used to catch the sunlight. The colour in them. The murky shades of fresh wet earth. Like what was, a distant story, an image. Everything life like is only just a wisp of loose ended memory.

..Obliviate

Momentary preciousness
Anastasia
[info]ebony_nivory
Today when I happened to say this about a song I was enjoying , 'Just because I have no idea which song this is and I'll never know, it makes listening to this and enjoying it this one time so much more special.' As I said that, it got me thinking of those few perfect moments that I had experienced till now. Its those times when everything just came together so perfectly that you knew this was just a matter of chance, As you flow through it you realise it would never repeat, you know that though you might want it so badly you will never experience such perfection of that moment even if you recreate it step by step. More so when it involves variables called other human beings.
You try to soak in as much as possible from there to last you the feel of it as long as you can try and remember. Your brush with random probability of perfection.
I guess at the end of the day we all live to witness and experience such perfection through randomness and at the other end of the rainbow enjoy the immense beauty of simplicity, the joy of an uncomplicated moment.
We live to embrace these two ends of the rainbow, rest all is just inbetween...

This is taking nothing away from 'worked towards' or 'hard earned' outcome of various situations but the feeling of wonder and awe is somehow higher in the moments with perfection and simplicity.
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Battlestar Galactica
myself
[info]ebony_nivory

Entry that was long due from the time I first watched the show, which will be almost a year now. Battlestar Galactic - the Re-imagined series is one of the most brilliantly crafted Sci-fi series atleast for me. Don't know if its rightful to call it a sci-fi series as it deals with so much more on the human psychology, human civilization and questions many of our human ways at many different levels. Here are my few cents on Battlestar Galactica, the TV series that ended in 2009 and why it has impressed me so much more than the other series I have watched.



1. BSG started out as a "Cool" show. Promised strong characters, Amazing dialogues, Sensible drama, Lots of characters, War strategies, all that and much more a Sci-fi geek would surely enjoy, question and be content with a fruitful answer. But each episode lived up to be more than that, adding to the story and kept you watching episode after episode.

2. Consistency of each characters, no matter how big or small they were. The intricasies of the characterization, their moods, the inter personal relationships, confusions, strength, growth all of this remained true to what they had initially been written into till the last moment. Even the smallest of the deck hanger helper roles who might have had 3 or 4 important lines remained consistent.

3. For once there was a show that had as many strong lead female roles as males! That's a winner, considering its a sci-fi series.
  • Bill Adama to Laura Roslin
  • Lee "Apollo" Adama to Kara "Starbuck" Thrace
  • Karl "Helo" Agathon to Sharon "Athena"
  • Gaius Baltar to Number 6, Caprica and all else that she was!
  • Saul Tigh to Ellen Tigh
  • Felix Gaeta to Anastasia "D"
  • Cheif Galen Tyrol to Cally
  • Sam Anders to D'Anna Biers
  • Leoben to Number 8, Boomer, and all else that she was!
  • Cavils, Simons, Dorals to all the female viper jocks Kat, Racetrack ...

All of them powerful, treated equally! When in the series pilot episodes you hear a female higher officer being called "Sir", you know this is going in the right direction.


4. It tackled so many questions about humanity that I have questioned myself to some extent and it had a perspective around it. Questions about its Religious beliefs, Politics, Survival insticts as a species, Money, Trade, Playing the Almighty of Creation, Playing the Almighty of Destruction and many of the individualistic instincts of Trust, Faith, Will Power, Morals. It had many episodes to show different coins of these aspects, never playing the exact right and wrong, only showing that people can be on different planes with the same concept, opening the minds to different perspectives.

5. It never had one central character. This was a very good thing. It never showed the viewer one person's perspective, or the whole show from one person's head. You always were kept guessing about a charcters reaction to a certain situation. It showed the Ups and Downs of the most strongest and weakest person. No one is perfect. No one will be. Each person's confusions, intricasies of human thoughts, unpredictable behavious at times.. illogical most times, instinctive at many other times. But thats the way we humans roll. It kept that concept real. I still can't put a finger on so many of Kara Thrace's decisions, many of Lee Adama's attachments and so on... Thats what makes it so good. No wonder they also called Kara "Starbuck" Thrace's character as "one of television's most complex, ever-evolving characters".

6. It had many of its actors play so many different roles its unbelievable. With the concept of Cylons it was quite possible, but even then come on... I think Tricia Helfer took it all upon her amazingly beautiful shoulders. She has easily played 20 different roles, Just as Caprica, she goes through so many phases. Not to mention Boomer, Athena and the other 8s played by Grace Park. Gaius Baltar himself played so many professions, though he was Baltar all along the way, yet... He was selfish, sometimes whiny, good, bad, evil, silly, brave, besides ranging from the role of a scientist, vice president, president, activist, channel of god or whatever he was etc. etc.

7. It was composed of some of the most well crafted episodes on television with narrations of each so different. While most episodes of season 1 kept you going, season 2 kept you guessing, I don't even feel like pointing a few of them, as most were good. One always connected to the highs and low of the emotions as they were acted at the 'end of everything' to a 'beginning of all else' kind of scenarios. Loved even some of the off beat episodes like Final Cut, Scar, Downloaded, Unfinished business and so many more...

8. A mention has to be on all the oh-so-awesomely-cool-and-amazing-looking men and women on the show! Frak the story if you want, but you can just watch them. They have swagger! Lets see, I'll try to name a few... For the ladies there is... Helo, Sam Anders, Lee Adama, Gaius Baltar, Gaeta and Leoban maybe? I could just do with the Helo and Anders along with Lee to fill up my screen.
For the men... well where shall I start... Number 6!!! 6, Caprica, 6.. and some 8s, Sharon... ok, ok There was Caprica 6, Kara Thrace, Sharons, D'Anna (My oh so favourite Xena, the warrior princess from back in school times!), If they are of your type, Ellen and Roslin.

9.BSG dealt with vulnerability of every relationship. Father to a son, Military officer to his/her subordinates, Husband and Wife, Mother to a daughter, President to the citizens, Just two lovers, Great friendships, Messed up friendships, Friendships that never should have been just that, Loyalty and betrayal at all these levels. Plot was complicated, so it ended up involving so many different relationships as well as practicality along with it.

10. It was just packaged 4 season show. They knew better than to drag it on an end like many other series just because it had so many fans and followers. Take the ending or leave it, it is what it is. Some characters were just what they were, flawed, perfect, but more so just human, even the cylons. It is a great journey if you want to take a ride. BattleStar Galactica!

Definitely one of those series that has great re-run value too! Watching it for the second time and loving every minute of it. TV show hours worthily spent.

Battlestar Galactica , So say we all...

BSG relapse
Ponder
[info]ebony_nivory
Cavil: Do you know how useless prayer is? Chanting and singing and mucking about with old half-remembered lines of bad poetry. And you know what it gets you? Exactly nothing.

Tyrol: Are you sure you're a priest?

Cavil: I've been preaching longer than you've been sucking down oxygen. And in that time, I've learned enough to know that the gods don't answer prayers. We're here o­n our own. That's the way they set things up. We have to find our own answers, our own way out of the wilderness without a nice little sunny path all laid out in front of us in advance.

Tyrol: That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to find my way.

Cavil: Well, it's not going to get better until you see what the problem is. And the problem is, you're screwed up, heart and mind. You. Not the--not the gods or fate or the universe. You.

Tyrol: Thanks for the pep talk.

Battlestar Galactica doesn't let you down. So say we all...

Breathe... & then run rabbit run!
music
[info]ebony_nivory
I braved Pink Floyd today. Yes after all these days I at last braved floyd again. Maybe I should say thanks to Breathe-Pink Floyd sound. After listening to them perform both my sacred and scary sounds live and loud, I braved to listen to floyd.
For most part it turned out very well. It was again pure floyd!!!! not mixed up with all my highs, my terrible lows attached to the sounds and guitar solos, just the joy and numbness of floyd. But for the other part, didn't turn out so well... most of all Coming back to Life! Isn't it supposed to be a happier song, if a song is called coming back to life? Which weird logical brain fold of mine chooses to make a song like that a sound of phobia, I don't understand.

I choose to write about this demon of a song. The first four guitar picking is enough to take me back to a place where i see no coming back to life. I go weak in the knees, in my stomach and a shiver through my spine. Then once this solo has proven that it has been written exactly to take you to that place so deep down and troubled, (so that you can start the journey from there upwards I suppose) Gilmore starts to sing, of all the phrases in the world, the only phrase you don't want to hear when you just walked into a ten feet deep hole with a guitar solo! 'Where were you.........' arrrgh ...

Then some more of words of the empathetic mind...
Where were you when I was hurt and helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

...
Then somehow they just knew what else to write...
"I took a heavenly ride through our silence"

After all this you somehow try to hold on to the next set of words, hoping that it would be your hope to pull you out of the place ...
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Then Nick Mason comes to the rescue with the drum beats, which says come on keep marching try to come upwards....

But then, the truth is 'The waiting has begun', and all your numb brain can do from there on is Stare straight into the shining sun...

This song destroys my integrity everytime, disadvantage more so cause this is the only floyd song that even non floydians apparently know along with "Another brick in the wall" for its "uplifting" feel. But I'm the only poor soul out there whose brain seem to mess it up everytime and understand it in a whole topsy turvy way...

I braved Pink Floyd. I am very happy about that.... thumbs up to me... to Shine On, to High Hopes, to WIsh you were here, to Breathe, to Learning to fly and all that...
But I'm still not able to fool Coming back to life!
Someday! Someday for sure I'll be able to enjoy this song stripped purely down to Floyd feel  unlike now, messing up my emotions with it, but that someday isn't today..... The Moment hasn't arrived!

But anyway here is Breathe-Pink Floyd Sound.


Sound of Floyd

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